CBI in Scottish independence U-turn following disappointing lunch meeting

The Scottish flagBritish business lobby the CBI has petitioned the Electoral Commission to cancel its registration as an official supporter of the no campaign in the Scottish independence referendum.

The sudden switch in policy came after a disappointing business lunch hosted by the CBI caused British business leaders to question the wisdom of hurting relations with Scottish business in support of independence.

One business leader was quoted as shouting: “What the hell is this? Where’s the black pudding and tatties? Nothing on this plate has been deep-fried! Why is there so much salad?”

Head Chef, Michel Le Blanc Roux, told News Wut: “We had issues sourcing hearty and homely food following the CBI’s opposition to Scottish independence by Scottish businesses upset that the CBI took sides in the debate. Because of this issue with our suppliers, we instead chose to serve a French Cordon Bleu inspired menu.”

Battered Mars Bar

Battered Mars Bar

The CBI had previously registered as a supporter of the no campaign on legal advice, allowing it to spend up to £150,000 before September’s referendum, because it planned to make clear that it opposed independence at its official events and functions.

It has now promised the Electoral Commission it will not take an active role in the referendum to stabilise the supply of Arbroath smokies, oatcakes, black pudding, neeps and tatties, and Battered Mars Bars, among many other Scottish favourites with British business leaders.

John Cridland, CBI director general, told News Wut: “We’re worried about the long-term prospect of these delicious foods disappearing from British plates if the Scottish do vote yes to independence. However, after yesterday’s business lunch, we also became aware of the need to ensure the availability of these tasty treats for British businesses in the short-term. If we have a repeat of what happened yesterday, we honestly can’t be sure that British businesses will continue to attend the CBI’s events and functions.”

One other unnamed British business leader was overheard saying “Cordon Bleu? More like Cordon Bollocks.”

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